Trouble de la personnalité narcissique: 30 signes que vous êtes narcissique

Il n’est généralement pas très difficile de repérer un narcissique. Après tout, c’est une véritable souffrance psychologique: le trouble de la personnalité narcissique, si vous le prenez de la DSM-5– où une personne affiche des «modèles envahissants de grandiosité» dans la mesure où le fonctionnement social est altéré. Il semble que cela affecte environ 1% de la population humaine totale.

Pour identifier un narcissique dans la nature, il vous suffit de rechercher le gars qui ne s'excuse jamais pour ses erreurs fréquentes et graves. Ou la fille qui pirate apparemment toutes les conversations auxquelles elle participe. Ou le nouvel embauché précoce qui refuse de prendre des conseils, mais qui continue à le dérober …non sollicité. Oui, les narcissiques classiques.

Pour ce qui est de tourner la lentille sur vous-même, eh bien, c’est une tout autre histoire. Après tout, c’est la nature humaine de fermer les yeux sur les mauvais comportements personnels, ce qui est encore plus applicable aux narcissiques. À cette fin, nous avons rassemblé, d’experts, tous les cadeaux que les narcissistes présentent régulièrement. Si vous affichez l’une de ces informations, vous voudrez peut-être jeter un bon coup d’œil dans le miroir et réfléchir à votre façon de faire. Alors continuez à lire pour découvrir les signes révélateurs du narcissisme.

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Beaucoup de narcissiques se considèrent mieux que tout le monde, y compris leurs amis, leurs collègues et leur famille. Mais cet ego gravement gonflé n'est qu'un masque, Psychology Today rapporte. Il sert de mécanisme de défense pour cacher le vrai problème: "Le narcissique ne peut tolérer être vulnérable." Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D., un blogueur de Psychology Today, affirme que le grand sens de la propre importance d'un narcissique va généralement bien au-delà de sa beauté, de son éclat ou de son niveau d'accomplissement actuels.

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Le besoin d’attention découle probablement de l’enfance, selon Kimberly Hershenson, Thérapeute clinique autorisé en mariage et en famille. «Si la personne a été trop choyée ou trop critiquée, elle risque de se heurter à l'insécurité, à une faible estime de soi ou à la jalousie», dit-elle. "Afin de combattre ces sentiments, ils peuvent essayer de mettre [themselves] sur un piédestal pour tenter de se sentir mieux. "

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Elinor Greenberg, Ph.D., auteur de Adaptations borderline, narcissique et schizoïde: la poursuite de l'amour, de l'admiration et de la sécurité, écrit que le besoin de validation des narcissiques découle de leurs problèmes d’estime de soi. Elle a comparé leur estime de soi à celle d'un thermomètre extérieur: il ne réagit qu'aux conditions extérieures.

Seltzer ajoute que s’efforcer sans cesse de prouver sa nature révèle que son acceptation de soi est conditionnelle: vous n’êtes pas aussi performant que votre dernière performance.

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La psychologie aujourd'hui rapporte que ceux qui souffrent de narcissisme grandiose sont plus susceptibles d’être des perfectionnistes. Les narcissiques vulnérables, quant à eux, sont trop soucieux de ne pas être aussi bons que tout le monde pour vouloir réellement réaliser des choses. Hershenson a expliqué que les deux formes de narcissistes préfèrent les choses à leur façon: toute différence par rapport à ce plan les fait se sentir incontrôlables.

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Oui, les narcissistes ont besoin de se sentir en contrôle, ce qui est lié à tant d'autres signes révélateurs d'un narcissique. PsychCentral rapporte que les narcissistes utilisent réellement la honte pour contrôler les autres comme un moyen de les battre au coup de poing et d'éviter l'embarras. Mais Deborah Serani, Psy.D. Professeur à l’Université d’Adelphi, le but d’un narcissique est de toujours pouvoir compter sur d’autres personnes pour répondre à ses besoins. «Pour ce faire, les narcissiques exercent un contrôle important sur leur environnement et leurs relations», dit-elle. "Une grande partie de ce qui est fait est intellectuelle et calculée, planifiée et bien répétée."

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Pour être sûr, personne aime critique. Mais les narcissiques sont particulièrement sensibles à cette pression extérieure. Serani dit que tout ce qui menace son identité doit être «effacé… Ainsi, le narcissique utilisera des techniques comme le déni, la déviation et le transfert de blâme. La plupart des narcissiques sont très doués pour le double langage et peuvent trouver le bon moyen de détourner le blâme sur eux-mêmes – et sur vous. "

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Si vous êtes narcissique, vous ne reconnaîtrez probablement pas de frontières qui ne vous appartiennent pas. Dans certains cas, vous ne remarquerez peut-être pas de limites, alors que dans d’autres, vous voudrez peut-être que vous ne mettiez pas mal à l’aise. Selon PsychCentral, les narcissistes réagissent souvent en établissant des limites avec des accusations – par exemple, demandant continuellement «pourquoi» au lieu de respecter les souhaits de l’autre personne et de les laisser seuls.

«Les narcissiques manipulent également des situations et violent les frontières. La confiance devient donc un problème», déclare Hershenson. "La communication et la confiance sont deux des traits les plus importants dans une relation saine, et avec un narcissiste, c'est presque impossible."

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Être un sujet de conversation n’est pas attrayant, et oui, c’est un signe de narcissisme. Si vous êtes un mauvais auditeur, vous avez tendance à contrôler la majeure partie de la conversation. Vous n'écoutez probablement que dans le seul but de pouvoir répondre correctement.

"Vous pourriez parler à quelqu'un de votre peur de la santé, et la conversation dérive vers [the narcissist’s] prochaines vacances, " Hershenson explique. "Il est difficile d'avoir une relation significative avec un narcissique car les conversations sont toujours à sens unique et à leur sujet."

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Shahida Arabi, auteur de Pouvoir: survivre et prospérer après des abus narcissiques, écrit que les abuseurs narcissiques manipulent les victimes parce qu'ils aiment «faire chuter toutes les réalisations et les traits qu'ils envient pour renforcer leur faux sentiment de supériorité».

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Traitement spécial – c’est ce que les narcissiques crois qu'ils mérite automatiquement. Selon Serani, trop de droits crée une tension de narcissisme particulièrement pathologique, dans laquelle vous ne tenez pas vraiment compte des besoins des autres, mais plutôt de ceux qui ne concernent que vous-même.

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Pour les narcissistes, les personnes sont un moyen de parvenir à une fin. Serani dit qu'ils ne voient tout simplement pas les autres comme des personnes entières. "Ils voient les autres comme des" morceaux "ou des" objets "qui les servent", dit-elle. "Alors, comme ils ne valorisent pas les autres, pourquoi respecteraient-ils les frontières?"

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Un manque d'empathie est l'une des qualités les plus identifiables d'un narcissique, selon Seltzer. "Ils sont littéralement incapables de ressentir la détresse des autres et d’agir avec une véritable compassion pour eux", dit-il.

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Ce conseil non sollicité n’est jamais authentique, c’est simplement un autre moyen pour les narcissistes d’être en contrôle et de démontrer leur supériorité. Donner des conseils donne à un narcissique une chance de gonfler encore plus son ego.

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Ces symboles de statut sont destinés à remplacer un sentiment de soi que le narcissique n’a pas naturellement. Si c'est difficile pour les narcissiques ne pas voir les gens comme des objets, alors il est encore plus difficile pour eux d’accepter que les objets ne soient que… des objets.

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La compétition est une chose, mais les narcissiques poussent les choses à l'extrême. "Lorsque les critiques et la honte des autres nous amènent à nous demander si nous sommes assez bons, nous risquons de surcompenser ces défauts perçus en faisant des choses qui pourraient nous aider à nous sentir mieux que les autres", déclare Seltzer. "Au fond, nous nous demandons si nous sommes vraiment aussi bons qu’eux."

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Certaines personnes soutiennent que garder rancune est un art, et pour le narcissique, cela semble être vrai. «Une personne atteinte de narcissisme réagit généralement aux menaces qui pèsent sur elle-même en utilisant un traitement silencieux (combat) ou une rage (fuite)», explique Serani. "Parce qu'ils ne peuvent pas et ne veulent pas commettre d'erreurs, les services de rancune sont un moyen de conserver leur besoin de revendication et de justice."

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Les bombardements d'amour se produisent au début d'une relation, juste après la phase «nous avons tellement de choses en commun». “Une fois l'idéalisation [that you have a connection] se produit, le narcissique continue avec un bombardement de l'amour, une technique qui submerge l'attention, la reconnaissance et l'amour de la personne recherchée », dit Serani. "Tout cela est de sécuriser l'approvisionnement narcissique." C'est généralement une affaire de courte durée, car le narcissique finit par jeter cette personne sur le côté quand il ou elle s'ennuie.

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It’s one thing to strive for success and perfection, but narcissists are different in that their rage and dissatisfaction are always bubbling near the surface—even after attaining their fantasies.

Serani says that the damage done in the narcissist occurs very young in life, where the sense of self doesn’t develop cohesively. “The narcissist is aware of these deficiencies, so the dreams, fantasies, or aspirations for the best, the most, the parfait, are deeply wished for to remedy the pathological defect,” she explains.

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Superficial friendships are the norm for narcissists. In fact, Serani says these are the only types of friendships narcissists can manage. “Deep, caring, thoughtful relationships are not tolerated well by someone with narcissism,” Serani says. “This is because empathy and compassion are not traits found in a person with narcissism.”

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Life is never going to be perfect—and expecting it to be so is unrealistic. But the narcissist sure doesn’t know that. “Many of us can live with failure, regret, and loss without it setting into motion pathological responses,” Serani says. “We get sad, feel remorse, grieve, and look to other things as more realistic goals.”

That said, identifying with having unreasonable expectations does not automatically mean you are a narcissist. In fact, Serani says that chances are—if you’re wondering if you’re a narcissist—you probably aren’t. A good way to check your entitlement is to self-reflect about your behavior and ask yourself some questions: is my request realistic; do other people call me selfish; when is the last time I compromised and felt okay about it?

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Since narcissists think they are God’s gift to the world, it’s little surprise that they’re not the best at handling anything they assume to be a critique. “When criticized, narcissists show themselves woefully incapable of retaining any emotional poise, or receptivity,” Seltzer says. “And it really doesn’t much matter whether the nature of that criticism is constructive or destructive. They just don’t seem to be able to take criticism, period.”

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According to Seltzer, one of the most tragic traits of a narcissist is their inability to let people in. Even with their closest friends, narcissists keep their guards up so as to avoid being vulnerable and potentially getting criticized.

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“Needing so much to protect their overblown but fragile ego, [a narcissist’s] ever-vigilant defense system can be extraordinarily easy to set off,” says Seltzer. “In challenging circumstances it’s almost as though their very survival depends on being right or justified, whereas flat out (or humbly) admitting a mistake—or, for that matter, uttering the words ‘I’m sorry’ for some transgression—seem difficult to impossible for them.”

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Though narcissists struggle to form true connections with peers and partners, “they can be charismatic, often quite smart, charming and very gripping,” says Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D., a licensed clinical psychologist and author of Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving a Narcissistic Relationship. Ultimately, what separates a caring, charismatic individual from a deceptively charming one is whether they maintain their manners or slowly devolve into someone who doesn’t listen and lacks empathy.

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There’s no use trying to explain something logically to a narcissist. When it comes to their decision-making process, the only thing they take into consideration is their own wants and needs, and nothing you say or do is going to change their mind about that.

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Both narcissists and patients with borderline personality disorder suffer from uncontrollable fits of rage. And “the reason that feelings of anger and rage are so typically expressed by them is that in the moment they externalize the far more painful anxiety- or shame-related emotions hiding just beneath them,” Seltzer explains. “When they’re on the verge of feeling—or re-feeling—some hurt or humiliation from their past, their consequent rage conveniently ‘transfers’ these unwanted feelings to another.”

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Narcissists constantly seek attention and praise from others. Comme Dr. Margalis Fjelstad explains: “They’re constantly afraid of being ridiculed, rejected, or wrong. Narcissists fear any true intimacy or vulnerability because they’re afraid you’ll see their imperfections and judge or reject them. No amount of reassurance seems to make a difference, because narcissists deeply hate and reject their own shameful imperfections.”

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Have you ever talked up your role in a work assignment or lied entirely about an accomplishment just for the validation and/or recognition? According to the Mayo Clinic, this could be a sign that you’re a narcissist. In addition to wanting to be the most successful person in the room, narcissists will exaggerate or even make up achievements entirely in order to get ahead—or just to be praised.

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“Buried in a deeply repressed part of the narcissist are all the insecurities, fears, and rejected traits that he is constantly on guard to hide from everyone, including himself,” says Fjelstad. “The narcissist is acutely ashamed of all these rejected thoughts and feelings.”

In order to work on a team, you need to be able to empathize with your teammates and have everyone’s best interests in mind. “Don’t expect the narcissist to understand your feelings, give in, or give up anything he wants for your benefit,” says Fjelstad. “It’s useless.”

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